Of chiropractors and motor mechanics

Visits to the chiropractor come and go. This time followed a lower back sprain from kiteboarding. He did all the usual things: checked me out, did some massaging and ended up with the traditional wrench that extracted a satisfying vertebral click. Initially he told some interesting stories, including a fascinating one about the Ryukyu Islanders, whose approach to old age is to become increasingly youthful in attitude. This is not the fabled 7 ages of man where you end up mewling and puking like a baby but an approach to life that becomes increasingly playful and joyful. Thereafter, though, it went pear-shaped, as he unveiled a string of extremely unappetising stories about people with chronic scoliosis or nervous disorders, a woman's corpse with huge layers of fat exposed and other unwanted anecdotes, some of which would be repeated in later sessions. When you are face down on the bench it's hard to converse but I tried to discourage these tales from the war front, with little success. During this period of treatment I was actively self-medicating, doing stretches several times a day. I asked him for exercise recommendations to supplement my own and he reluctantly produced some diagrams which had his name on top but were in fact virtually straight off Google. At the end of each session he was quick to sit down and write up the next appointment, claiming this was a complicated, long-term spinal project which needed regular and frequent attention. He would also drop names like Gary Player and Bobby Locke (two great SA golfers, who had used his services in the past). But he would never actually give me his current diagnosis of my condition. He simply wouldn't commit himself as to how I was progressing in his eyes. As I was self-medicating, I was also self-diagnosing and could feel the improvement as I went along. So increasingly I became aware that I was actually just a part of his annuity stream, cloaked in this mystical process, which he was never able to fully explain or link up to my progress. When you are young you believe that doctors know everything and invest in them all your trust but as you get older you realise that many are also subject to moral hazard, not unlike motor mechanics.

Knock your socks off with Cybernetics

Maxwell Maltz wrote Psycho-Cybernetics in 1960, celebrating the concepts of self-affirmation and positive visualization, all taken up by athletes and others in years to come. It had this striking red, black and white cover, with a little medallion claiming that 3 million had been sold. I came across it in 1971 when dropping out of university, having lost interest in accounting, if I had ever had any! Surfing was much more fun. A dose of self-help was called for. The first chapter ended with the instruction: before you move on to chapter 2, tie your shoe laces each morning in a different way for the next 7 days. As I had no shoes with laces at the time, this was a bit of a deal-breaker, so I never made it to Ch 2 or any subsequent chapter. I'm not sure I would have made it even if I had lace-ups, the whole message just seemed so buttoned up. The volume still languishes in the psychology section of the bookcase. But over the years, not in the interests of self-help but more for efficiency, I still adopted some unconventional dressing techniques. For instance, one way to remove your shoes and socks is to roll back on the bed, feet in the air and use both hands to remove both shoes, then socks, at the same time. If they're lace-ups, you can undo both laces simultaneously too. To round things off you can try to toss both shoes into their accustomed place across the room, making them land soles down. An efficient way of putting a coat on is, instead of struggling to push one arm through at a time, take the coat from the back with both hands holding the collar. Then fling it over your head and push your hands into the arms at the same time. There are loads of variations on the theme e.g. put your deodorant on while brushing your teeth and running the comb through your hair while shaving. All very useful if your alarm clock failed to go off and you're late for work.